Quote of the day: Life moves on, and creatures change edition
I know it’s hard to look at her without cringing, with those overdone smokey eyes and that $2 merkin of a wig, but LOOK ANYWAY. I’ve seen Porky the Pig’s drag show many times, and let me tell you something—you’d need at least 200 Denises to match the fierceness and slay-bilities of the West Village’s very own Miss Porque Chop. But who are we kidding? Denise isn’t even close to the hardest hog to beat. You can find more glam in the meat counter at Whole Foods.
- Definitely Not Miss Piggy,Jezebel, September 1st, 2015
Look, I know it's hard when a beloved celebrity couple breaks up, people, but we need to be adults about this. Sometimes, you know, a pig and a frog just... grow apart. It's sad, but it happens. He's not the banjo-playing amphibian she fell for, she's not the little pork dumpling he used to know. They meet new barnyard animals or... uh... well, like, I don't know, like crazy... monster... weird... whatever some of those things are... or.... Anyway, they meet new... whatevers, and they move on with their respective lives. And we should respect that. We should not judge. We should love them for all their faults and wish them well, and not spew hateful misporcine invective at anyone.
Let me just add as a personal note to the author(ess) of the above quote, should (s)he come across this post: I notice that you claim to be, "someone with no affiliation with Miss Piggy or those who represent her whatsoever," and of course I have no reason to doubt your word, "Definitely Not Miss Piggy." But on the off chance that you should have some sort of contact with Miss Piggy--should you, say, run into Miss Piggy on the street and introduce yourself as the author(ess) of a blog post about Miss Piggy--could you relay a message to her from so many of us. Could you tell her that we love her dearly, and while she may not be ready to hear it, we hope she will understand that a refusal to take sides is not the same thing as siding against you her. We don't approve of his infidelities, but we still have a fondness and admiration for his talent, and our lingering affection causes us to wish for him the best just as we wish the best for Miss Piggy. She might consider, too, that it is often better to be unhappy apart than miserable together, and that--though I'm sure she doesn't want to hear it--what will be will be; Que Sera, Sera, as Doris Day once put it; if Miss Piggy and Kermit are meant to be together, it will happen in its time without being pushed, but if they are meant to be separate, no matter how much they love one another, it may be best for them to cherish the memories of happier times and to see if the bitterness will fade enough for the two to find some measure of happiness as colleagues with a history and legacy together, if not (better still, we hope) happiness as good friends.
Good luck, Miss Piggy, and know that you are loved. Wherever you are, I mean.
Comments
I just know we shouldn't judge. What matters is that we're happy, pigs, frogs and people alike, right?
(Oh jeepers, I sound like, like, like... like some kind of happily married bozo or something. What gives? Where's my cynicism? My edge? My snark? My poisoned switchblade of scathing wit?)