Worst. Tyranny. Ever.

Michele Bachmann, still doing her Michele Bachmann thing, accused President Obama on Tuesday of ignoring the Constitution and acting like a "dictator" and a "king."

Appearing on Fox News, Bachmann claimed the president's delays of certain portions of Obamacare were "clearly unconstitutional." Bachmann also said she and fellow Congressional Republicans had considered releasing a resolution on the floor telling the president, "You're not a king, you're not a dictator, you can't do whatever you want."

"Our Constitution limits the president’s power even though President Obama doesn’t act that way," Bachmann continued.

Bachmann then went on to claim Obama has "rewritten the Constitution for himself as a part of his effort to fundamentally transform the United States of America."

- Elias Isquith, "Michele Bachmann: Obama has 'rewritten the Constitution'"; 

Salon, December 3^rd, 2013.

Let me just say I find this absolutely appalling.

I mean, look here: if President Obama has indeed rewritten the Constitution, Representative Bachmann is absolutely right to be angry, because he's done a really, really lousy job of it.  I mean, seriously, first he doesn't even bother pushing for single-payer healthcare, and now I find out he hasn't replaced our form of government with a Parliamentary Democracy?  I'm fuming, man, I am absolutely fuming.  This is ridiculous.  He can be king if he wants, sure, whatever--Great Britain has a queen and they seem to be mostly doing alright; I think I could deal with a constitutional monarchy even if I don't quite see the point in it.

Hell, the Senate is so dysfunctional these days, and the House so abysmally counterproductive to everything, I could almost go for an imperial state.  The first couple of Roman Emperors weren't terrible, it was all the inbred cousins who took the throne in the latter days of the Empire who caused most of the trouble.  I imagine with today's longer lifespans and all the technology available to deter royal assassins, we could probably manage a few decades before anyone offers their favorite horse a job, right?

So if Rep. Bachmann is right--and how can she not be right--how do we explain the rank incompetence of this administration?  Where are the purges to get rid of all the Congresscritters who let the government shut down a little while back?  A halfway-capable despot would have fed these folks to the lions, unless he was worried the cats might get indigestion, in which case modern transport offers us access to crocodiles.  Or if we don't want to feed the nimrods to anything that might choke on them, maybe we could force them to swim with the horniest, rapiest dolphins Sea World has to offer.  There are options, I mean.  And what is this President doing?  Nada, so far as I can tell.  Not a single televised execution by sexually frustrated cetacean to date and no announcements of such, either.  Sad.

And as for the Constitution?  Have you read it lately?  Same silly shit was in it in the Eighteenth Century.  Has the President abandoned Article I, Section 8's apparent reliance on pirates and mercenaries as a first line of national defense and on the dubious capacities of state militias as a second?  Nope.  Not that we follow those provisions, it just seems sensible to take them out.  Defined what a "person" is, since that's apparently a big question now?  Nope. Gotten rid of the Electoral College, not that it matters now that he's King and all?  Nup.  Addressed whether or not Article III's life appointment of judges is a good idea?  Unh-unh.  Either gotten rid of the Fourth Amendment altogether (now that he's king) or modernized the language so we know whether it applies to cell phone metadata (because maybe he's a benign despot)?  Nawp.  This is terrible.

Worst.  Dictator.  Ever.  I mean in dictatorial terms, not in terms of, you know, sending forty million people east to die of starvation, frostbite and exhaustion in forced labor camps Worst Dictator Ever.  Because that hasn't happened yet, for some reason.  (I guess technically we'd have to send everyone west, but then California is a place people go to without having to be forced into cattle cars, so... I dunno, Alaska, maybe?)

We have a Constitution that is the state-of-the-art of 18^th Century political technology, which makes it awful and wonderful at once.  And what is the President doing to make it a tool of his iron will?  I know you shouldn't answer a question with a question, but is Representative Michele Bachmann yawping on Fox News instead of digging for turnips in the Alaskan wilderness or fighting a bear on an Internet live-streamed simulcast?  Exactly.

Let me say, first of all, that yet again I am grievously disappointed in Barack Obama.  The man cannot do anything right.  And, second, that if he does get off his ass and starts making the most of his wide-reaching powers, I hope he will strike out the last clause of Article I, Section 9 and will appoint me Baron Of Bullshit.  His Majesty doesn't even have to give me an estate: I'll settle for everyone having to call me "Your Lordship" and kiss up to me.

Thanks in advance.