Dumb quote of the day--"Gee, thanks, Captain Obvious, why didn't they let you be President, again?" edition

Too often, those on the left make corporate statements to show support for same sex marriage, abortion, or profanity, but if Christians affirm traditional values, we're considered homophobic, fundamentalists, hate-mongers, and intolerant.

- former Presidential aspirant and
radio talk-show host Mike Huckabee,
announcing "Chick Fil-A Appreciation Day",
July 22^nd, 2012.

Well, I mean... yeah, so what?

Look, I don't really care how someone justifies their bigotries, fears, hatreds, whatever. Certain religious people are squicked out by men putting their man-things into other men and maybe also (but probably a little less) by women getting it on with women; consequently, they want gays and lesbians to go away and meanwhile would deny them the civic benefits of the civil institution of marriage. They're retrogressive, ignorant and on the wrong side of history, and I don't give two shits whether they justify their beliefs by way of their interpretation of an old anthology of shepherds' folklore, royal genealogies and cultist chain-letters or because that's just how they felt when they woke up this morning.

Simple word of advice: you don't want someone calling you a bigot, how about not acting like a bigot? I don't think that's terribly difficult, or it shouldn't be. And if you act like a homophobe, get used to people calling you a homophobe. I mean, hell, if you're not going to be shamed into rethinking your core values, you might as well wear the word as a point of honor.

In fact, that's one of the things that gets me the most when someone like Huckabee wheezes about this kind of thing. They clearly don't like being called bigots, but they don't want to get out of that by not being bigots; it's like they expect to get whatever benefits they somehow accrue from being assholes about something without actually accepting any of the consequences of acting that way, e.g. being called "assholes" by people whose opinions, frankly, they don't seem to value all that much in the first place. It's kind of a weird mix of wanting to have their cake and eat it too, when they don't actually like cake to start out with.

One thing I'd like to be clear about is that Mike Huckabee has always struck me as a pretty good example of why "Someone I'd like to have a beer with" is a pretty lousy criteria for picking a national leader: Huckabee has always seemed to me like the kind of guy who would be a great, slightly wacky neighbor, the kind of guy who throws great cookouts and can be trusted to check your mail or water your plants when you're out of town, but you'd never actually do something like vote for him if he was running for school board or city commission or something (gods only know why anyone would let him run a whole entire state). The kind of guy, though, who anytime he started talking about religion or politics--or gay marriage--you'd roll your eyes and decide whether you felt like arguing with him or just letting it slide so nobody's cheeseburger buzz got harshed. I don't dislike Mike Huckabee, in other words, I just find his belief system pretty reprehensible and don't think that nebulous nice quality he radiates makes up for the fact that, yes, he is a bigot, he is a homophobe, he is intolerant, he is a fundamentalist. I guess another way you could put it is he'd be as lousy a friend as he would be a leader, but hey, probably a great neighbor.

The world can be funny like that.

I mean, same kind of thing, totally different angle: Huckabee is throwing his support behind Chick-fil-A, a fast food franchise that produces phenomenally good chicken sandwiches but has long left me a bit queasy over their up-front Christian values thing (their kiddie meals have featured tie-ins with the Narnia movies and the VeggieTales, and they cover the walls with posters promoting their family values initiatives). The ScatterKat is obsessed with their iced tea, and if that doesn't mean anything to you, I imagine you're not a Southerner. They have pretty good thick-cut waffle fries and their shakes are awesome. They were one of the first fast food chains to offer Coke Zero. And by most accounts, they're a great place to work; among other benefits, they're closed on Sundays. And oh, those chicken sandwiches! And the chicken biscuits, too! It actually breaks my heart a little that I've started boycotting them, because I can't abide giving them my money and then they turn around and give it to the Family Research Council (for instance), because losing those chicken fillets really is a very minor hardship; you can say I shouldn't be eating the fast food anyway, not ever, not even rarely, but that doesn't help. It was easy to give up Domino's as a political boycott, because Domino's is shitty cardboard discs laden with a greasy cheese-like substance and dubious meat products; it was easy to give up Coors products because their flagship beer is pisswater and even the halfway-decent Killian's Red they bottle and distro in the States is easily substituted by better beer.

Point is, anyway, that Chick-fil-A might be one of the best fast food joints you could pull up to while on a road trip or after an overworked day when you just need something fast and affordable, but they're supporting bigotry. It would be convenient if they were bigots like Domino's--bigots who make a product you'd rather avoid anyway even if not on principle. But they're not. Mike Huckabee seems like he might be a great guy to have living next door, but it doesn't change the fact he's a bigot when it comes to gay marriage.

And if you don't want to be called a bigot, stop acting like one. I'm not about to hold back just because you say it's your religion. And nobody ought to.