Valentine's Day, 2012
This is unfortunate. This is doubly unfortunate.
There are several things I'm in the habit of doing on February 14th. One is, I like to ignore it and do nothing at all. Another is, I like to be one of those assholes The Oatmeal complained about who goes around bitching about how Valentine's is a greeting-card-company holiday (in my dubious defense, I don't do this spontaneously, just when asked about Valentine's Day).
But the biggest thing I like to do is crack stale jokes about how this is the day we all get to celebrate a bunch of mobsters getting lined up against a wall and gunned down by their professional colleagues. Which, by the way, I still think would be an awesome holiday: people would celebrate by wearing fedoras and calling everyone they met "a doity rat" and mispronouncing "th"s and mid-word "r"s generally, and punctuating their sentences with "see?"; e.g. "Good moining, you doity rat, I need dat repoit by lunchtime, see?"
It would totally liven up de woikday, see?
Now, the primary problem with that this year, is suddenly I'm in love and have been seeing someone nearly a year, now. Which means I suddenly have to take Valentine's Day a little bit more seriously and be a little schmoopy about it. Love is awesome, love is real, the feeling of nausea you might be feeling is probably jealousy! It's true that the ScatterKat and I aren't doing flowers or candy today for assorted reasons (he wrote to stave off the inevitable question), but we are in wuv so it's a nice day and you should stop wasting time trying out that ludicrously fake gangster accent you learned from Bugs Bunny and plant a big, sloppy kiss on your lover.
What the ScatterKat and I are doing for Valentine's Day is: my sister recently gave me They Might Be Giants tickets for my birthday and the show is tonight. So we are doing something special, albeit something we might also do on, I dunno, Columbus Day, f'r'instance, if that was when the show was. The ScatterKat is taking today off while I'm stuck at work, and will be various places that would be hard for a florist to track down unless I hired one of those bounty florists you read about (that's totally a thing, right, and not something I'm totally making up? there's a reality show, isn't there?); when I get home, we go, we see the show, then we have a dinner contingent on how long the set is. I expect there will probably be some adoring looks and handholding and sloppy kisses you don't want to know about, but to hell with you, you're hearing about it anyway, see?
This isn't anything I would have expected this time last year, I gotta tell you. I mean, last year, my February 14th post was a Tolkien pastiche. The year before that, I acknowledge the holiday--by posting a squicky song about domestic violence. Funny how things work out.
I should wrap this up before this post can be tapped for syrup, if it's not too late for that. I hope you're having a happy Valentine's Day, or an acceptable February 14th, whatever floats your boat. Me, I'm going to hold my baby's hand and hope they play "Birdhouse In Your Soul".
There are several things I'm in the habit of doing on February 14th. One is, I like to ignore it and do nothing at all. Another is, I like to be one of those assholes The Oatmeal complained about who goes around bitching about how Valentine's is a greeting-card-company holiday (in my dubious defense, I don't do this spontaneously, just when asked about Valentine's Day).
But the biggest thing I like to do is crack stale jokes about how this is the day we all get to celebrate a bunch of mobsters getting lined up against a wall and gunned down by their professional colleagues. Which, by the way, I still think would be an awesome holiday: people would celebrate by wearing fedoras and calling everyone they met "a doity rat" and mispronouncing "th"s and mid-word "r"s generally, and punctuating their sentences with "see?"; e.g. "Good moining, you doity rat, I need dat repoit by lunchtime, see?"
It would totally liven up de woikday, see?
Now, the primary problem with that this year, is suddenly I'm in love and have been seeing someone nearly a year, now. Which means I suddenly have to take Valentine's Day a little bit more seriously and be a little schmoopy about it. Love is awesome, love is real, the feeling of nausea you might be feeling is probably jealousy! It's true that the ScatterKat and I aren't doing flowers or candy today for assorted reasons (he wrote to stave off the inevitable question), but we are in wuv so it's a nice day and you should stop wasting time trying out that ludicrously fake gangster accent you learned from Bugs Bunny and plant a big, sloppy kiss on your lover.
What the ScatterKat and I are doing for Valentine's Day is: my sister recently gave me They Might Be Giants tickets for my birthday and the show is tonight. So we are doing something special, albeit something we might also do on, I dunno, Columbus Day, f'r'instance, if that was when the show was. The ScatterKat is taking today off while I'm stuck at work, and will be various places that would be hard for a florist to track down unless I hired one of those bounty florists you read about (that's totally a thing, right, and not something I'm totally making up? there's a reality show, isn't there?); when I get home, we go, we see the show, then we have a dinner contingent on how long the set is. I expect there will probably be some adoring looks and handholding and sloppy kisses you don't want to know about, but to hell with you, you're hearing about it anyway, see?
This isn't anything I would have expected this time last year, I gotta tell you. I mean, last year, my February 14th post was a Tolkien pastiche. The year before that, I acknowledge the holiday--by posting a squicky song about domestic violence. Funny how things work out.
I should wrap this up before this post can be tapped for syrup, if it's not too late for that. I hope you're having a happy Valentine's Day, or an acceptable February 14th, whatever floats your boat. Me, I'm going to hold my baby's hand and hope they play "Birdhouse In Your Soul".
Comments
Feb. 16 was special to us as that had been the day one year prior that we met.
But enjoy yours.