And if you're in Durham tomorrow...
Ah, I should probably make an announcement about this. All professional-ey, etc. If you're going to be in the Raleigh-Durham area on Veteran's Day, Thursday, November 11th, 2010, this year, this decade, this century, this epoch in the great history of mankind, this--where was I?
Ah. Yes.
If, as I was saying, you're in the Raleigh-Durham area on Thursday (Veteran's Day), I'm expecting to be in attendance at the NC Speculative Fiction Night at the New Hope Commons Barnes & Noble to do my bit to help promote Rigor Amortis. Things are scheduled for 7:00 PM, if you're in the area. Please come. There'll be candy.*
*DISCLAIMER: I just made that up. I have no idea whether or not there will be candy. Probably not. Well, it's a shopping mall, so I guess we could get some candy if someone was really insistent. I'm not saying I'd buy it for you or anyone else would; you might have to purchase your own candy, I'm saying. Although, you know, there's probably one of those expensive-smelling candy places down in the food court, one of the ones where every single chocolate they sell has nuts in it, which is great if you like nuts and/or aren't allergic to them.**
**Additional DISCLAIMER: The proprietor of this blog absolutely is not responsible if you eat a piece of candy with nuts in it and inflate like a rotting whale carcass and choke to death on your own swelling throat muscles. You know better than I do whether you have any kind of allergies that would cause you to die of candy poisoning. I mean, what the hell? Why would you even do a thing like that? Go down to the food court and buy a piece of candy that would kill you? Were you feeling suicidal? Was it a tempting-Fates thing like people ordering fugu in Japan because it's mostly safe unless you have a haphazard chef who nicks a bladder or liver or something and poisons you, so there's this whole bullshit I-ate-and-I-almost-died rush going on or something? Just don't, okay? Please? Your death would probably make it the worst authors' night ever, I think, even worse than the time Zelda Fitzgerald puked in T.S. Eliot's face while Eliot was signing copies of "The Hollow Men" at a Waldenbooks in Poughkeepsie in the Spring of 1926.***
***A DISCLAIMER to the additional DISCLAIMER: Having said that, I now feel guilty. I mean, what if you're not allergic to nuts? I'd hate to think that my harsh words for a candy-eater with a deathwish would discourage you from eating a piece of candy that would really have little or no ill-effect upon you so long as you're in the habit of regularly brushing your teeth, etc. I mean, if you really want the chocolate and it isn't going to kill you, knock yourself out.†
†A CLARIFICATION: Not actually knock yourself out, I mean. Metaphorically, I mean.‡
‡CAVEAT / An advance NOTICE: Having given some further thought to the previous, I will be asking Ms. Jaym Gates, the Damn Fine Co-Editor of Rigor Amortis, to request that no attendees be allowed into the Barnes & Noble on the 11th or, to be safe, the twenty-four hour period in advance of the authors' night events at 7:00 PM unless they are wearing football padding, bicycle helmets, a layer of bubble wrap, one of those safety-orange vests construction workers are required to wear and sign a complete waiver absolving everybody else within a fifteen-mile radius of any and all responsibility arising from tripping, falling, stumbling, lurching, bumbling, fumbling and/or the consumption of any kind of confection or comestible or mouth-sized non-comestible object like a Lego™ or pen cap.
Just to be on the safe side, you know.
Ah. Yes.
If, as I was saying, you're in the Raleigh-Durham area on Thursday (Veteran's Day), I'm expecting to be in attendance at the NC Speculative Fiction Night at the New Hope Commons Barnes & Noble to do my bit to help promote Rigor Amortis. Things are scheduled for 7:00 PM, if you're in the area. Please come. There'll be candy.*
*DISCLAIMER: I just made that up. I have no idea whether or not there will be candy. Probably not. Well, it's a shopping mall, so I guess we could get some candy if someone was really insistent. I'm not saying I'd buy it for you or anyone else would; you might have to purchase your own candy, I'm saying. Although, you know, there's probably one of those expensive-smelling candy places down in the food court, one of the ones where every single chocolate they sell has nuts in it, which is great if you like nuts and/or aren't allergic to them.**
**Additional DISCLAIMER: The proprietor of this blog absolutely is not responsible if you eat a piece of candy with nuts in it and inflate like a rotting whale carcass and choke to death on your own swelling throat muscles. You know better than I do whether you have any kind of allergies that would cause you to die of candy poisoning. I mean, what the hell? Why would you even do a thing like that? Go down to the food court and buy a piece of candy that would kill you? Were you feeling suicidal? Was it a tempting-Fates thing like people ordering fugu in Japan because it's mostly safe unless you have a haphazard chef who nicks a bladder or liver or something and poisons you, so there's this whole bullshit I-ate-and-I-almost-died rush going on or something? Just don't, okay? Please? Your death would probably make it the worst authors' night ever, I think, even worse than the time Zelda Fitzgerald puked in T.S. Eliot's face while Eliot was signing copies of "The Hollow Men" at a Waldenbooks in Poughkeepsie in the Spring of 1926.***
***A DISCLAIMER to the additional DISCLAIMER: Having said that, I now feel guilty. I mean, what if you're not allergic to nuts? I'd hate to think that my harsh words for a candy-eater with a deathwish would discourage you from eating a piece of candy that would really have little or no ill-effect upon you so long as you're in the habit of regularly brushing your teeth, etc. I mean, if you really want the chocolate and it isn't going to kill you, knock yourself out.†
†A CLARIFICATION: Not actually knock yourself out, I mean. Metaphorically, I mean.‡
‡CAVEAT / An advance NOTICE: Having given some further thought to the previous, I will be asking Ms. Jaym Gates, the Damn Fine Co-Editor of Rigor Amortis, to request that no attendees be allowed into the Barnes & Noble on the 11th or, to be safe, the twenty-four hour period in advance of the authors' night events at 7:00 PM unless they are wearing football padding, bicycle helmets, a layer of bubble wrap, one of those safety-orange vests construction workers are required to wear and sign a complete waiver absolving everybody else within a fifteen-mile radius of any and all responsibility arising from tripping, falling, stumbling, lurching, bumbling, fumbling and/or the consumption of any kind of confection or comestible or mouth-sized non-comestible object like a Lego™ or pen cap.
Just to be on the safe side, you know.
Comments
Good luck!
And have a great workshop tonight!
There ended up not being any readings, which was probably as well: it wasn't an NC-17 crowd.