Brought down by a hatchet, not a scalpel, or: Eric once again rants meanderingly about how the Democrats keep breaking his heart...

I'm a straight, white, solidly middle-class male. Half the people the Christian right votes into office on a morals platform, are amoral cryptoagnostic wanks who are unlikely to want a theocracy and the other half are too damn crazy to actually make it happen (looking at you, Sarah). I don't have kids to worry about. Hell, my profession is indigent criminal defense--Republican policies are good for business, my business, I mean.

As long as the revolution doesn't occur during my lifetime, what the hell do I have to worry about?

This is what I'm thinking, honestly, as I contemplate the past week-and-a-half of Democrat panic in Washington. Last week it was the panic after the Massachusetts election--"Oh noes, health care is dooooooomed!" This week it's that the President appears to be a day away from proposing an insane spending freeze, something which he rightly and repeatedly derided Senator John McCain for suggesting in 2008. My hands are in the air, my eyes are rolling, my mouth is saying, "What the fuck?"

And the rub is: I'm willing to go against what are arguably my short-term self-interests for the net benefit to everybody, I mean, I'm willing to pay higher taxes for increased programs, I'm willing to ride out storms in the Straits Of Magellan if there's green Pacific waters for all of us on the other side, when I could be sitting fat and comfy and shaking my head at the poor bastards, learning how to blame them for their own troubles while sipping something expensive using the extra money I didn't give away. I'm a liberal, more than anything else, because I believe it's right, not because being a fat white dude with discretionary income leaves me disadvantaged in some way (although I suppose if I were to learn how to be a modern-day Republican, I'd have to come up with some sort of fantasy about how my attorney career was threatened by a lesbian illegal immigrant from Mexico or something).

No, no, no--I'm not actually about to do that. I've voted for Republican friends in local elections, but don't kid yourself about the likelihood of it happening nationally. I don't want to say "never," after all I can imagine far-fetched hypotheticals where I vote for some old-school Republican in, say, an "Eisenhowerian" mold; I also am trying to write a novel where one of the main characters is a wizard, so that's really pretty meaningless. But any of the bozos likely to get nominated by the Republican party for Congress or the White House in the foreseeable future? Excuse me while I wipe spit off my monitor and keyboard.

But will I vote for a Democrat?

I mean, I could not only sit passively back and offer no resistance to the party that will give me tax breaks and job security, but I could have extra free time on particular Tuesdays in November where I'd otherwise be standing in a long line at the elementary school up the road.

And I could take the money I might contribute to a Democrat to try to keep a feared Republican out of office and buy booze or video games or maybe even booze and video games. Ooh! And comic books!

It's occurred to me lately that maybe a big part of the problems we're having right now is that Democrats are confused about who their base is and keep trying to cater to progressives. But maybe progressives aren't the Democrats' base anymore, and haven't been since Bill Clinton. Maybe the real confusion is amongst us progs who mistake the Democrats for the party of FDR, JFK and LBJ, the party of the New Deal, New Frontier and Great Society. Maybe the Democrats just need to come right out and say, "Look, we're the centrist party." They won't do that, because we progressives keep giving them money, because when you get right down to it, we really are stupid and naïve idealists. Maybe we liberals really do need to just abandon the Democrats in droves and invent a progressive party for ourselves. That won't happen, either.

Last week a friend was attempting to install Windows 7 on a tablet, tweeting about it on Twitter while failing. And at one point, he made a sarcastic comment about how great Microsoft's business plan of frustrating users was (actually, the phrase he used was "ass-raping," but nevermind), to which another friend replied that it obviously is successful, since people keep giving Microsoft money for mostly lousy products. The implication being, of course, that maybe it's no wonder Microsoft could give a shit whether they give anyone a happy customer service experience, because, you know, as long as people are unwilling to pay for an Apple or learn how to use an alternative like Linux, what'cha gonna do? And I thought about politics when I read this exchange, how it's been perfectly okay for the Democrats to... err... ass-rape (do you think I should put that in quotes?) progressives because we're not willing to trouble ourselves with the political version of learning Linux. I know, it's a nerdy and attenuated metaphor. Isn't that what you come here for?

(I also feel like I should insert an explanation or apology of sorts to Jim: Jim is perfectly capable of using Linux and may even have a Linux machine lying around somewhere; he wanted Windows 7 because... actually, I don't know. Jim, why did--nevermind that wasn't the point; back on topic--)

This didn't help, either: that I sent an impassioned e-mail to Senator Kay Hagan, the Democratic Senator from North Carolina, reminding her or the staffer I actually expected to read it that she was a member of the party of FDR, JFK and LBJ, and what I got back was the form letter her staff sends everybody who uses the words "health care" in a missive, in which Senator Hagan or her staff nicely allayed all sorts of concerns I might have if I'd been somebody else who'd written a different letter, somebody worried about illegal immigrants getting public health and losing my existing plans, and not somebody worried about the fact that the Senate may not even manage to pass a watered-down bill with only one argument in its favor at all. I mean, I actually went so far as quixotically letting my hypothetical Senator's aide know that I favor a public option even though I realize that's not even under discussion--I just figured she (or he) ought to know, y'know? And I bring it up because it goes back to the point I was dancing around in the previous paragraphs: why do I care more than the people I voted for and sent money to? I'm not saying Senator Hagans owes me a personal reply, good grief, even Ringo Starr's given that up; it's just that it would have been nice if some lackey had sent me the appropriate generic "Thank You For Your Query" letter instead of the generic "Don't Sweat The Healthcare Bill" letter; they don't even care enough to give me the right blow off, y'know? Does that make sense?

We'll see, I guess. Maybe I'll change my mind. Maybe the Republicans will terrify me into action in 2012. Maybe my conscience will triumph over my ire.

Maybe I'll stay home.