Maybe Hogwarts has an opening?

What's the point of trying to write fiction? I couldn't possibly duplicate this story: a substitute teacher in Florida says he was fired because he performed a magic trick in which he made a toothpick vanish and reappear. This, the teacher says, led to him being charged with wizardry.

No, seriously. Wizardry.

Of course there might be more to the story:

Tampa Bay's 10 talked to the assistant superintendent with the Pasco County School District who said it wasn't just the wizardry and that Piculas had other performance issues, including "not following lesson plans" and allowing students to play on unapproved computers. [emphasis added]

I'll admit that I suspect Tampa Bay's 10 is fudging the paraphrase--but I would really like to think it's a fair summarization: "Oh no, the consorting with the Devil and demonstration of Dark Powers over toothpicks granted to him by the Evil One was only a part of why we terminated Mr. Piculas, he also refused to follow lesson plans."

And, after all, we're talking about Florida here. I mean, they're not exactly the brightest state in the Union, are they? Butterfly ballot, et cetera, et cetera. I imagine we now know the truth about Katherine Harris's actions as Secretary Of State during the 2000 election--it wasn't partisan politics or some backroom quid pro quo to advance Ms. Harris's career after all: Jeb Bush had Ms. Harris's nose and refused to give it back.

It's something in the water. Possibly cocaine.